WANTED!

Single man, to woo and spend hard-earned cash on. No need to text or message, will do all the running! GSOH required so you can regularly take the piss. Likes meals out, walks and weekends away, but never gets them.

That would be my ‘single persons’ ad in the middle of the paper, next to the Viagra and commemorative plate adverts.

I pride myself on having a ‘type’. Tall, dark and rugged, (trampy, as described by another). Despite my type being attractive, they also seem to be pathetic, selfish and useless. Never has a man whisked me off my feet, greeted me with flowers (unless asked) or on a non-materialistic, level take me for a walk or on a picnic.

Life plans have been stowed away and forgotten in favour of their ambition, meals out have never materialised due to no money and weeks can go by with no texts because of “work commitments”. And I’m a fool!

I let it happen, I let Jeremy* buy value noodles and soups when he had no money and then I would cook delicious meals for him. I let him go out and spend what money he had on nights out (without me) and not put it towards bills and rent. And the new one is no better.

So, all in the name of research and self-preservation I will no longer be a fool. I know there are good ones out there. My friend regularly makes me want to be sick in my own mouth with her Facebook statuses.

“So I get home from a long day at work to find romantic music, candles, notes, flowers and my gorgeous man waiting for me with wine and takaway! Amazing ♥” (Sarah 2011)

Bleugh! However, I now vow never to text first, to always expect more and only settle for what I deserve. I will no longer go to FD’s late at night and justify it with shite excuses such as “But he’s fit”, knowing full well he would never come to mine.

My new advert would/ will (when I give in to internet dating) read….

Single, fabulous girl seeks man to treat her right.